Money Left on the Table
October 9, 2010
By Merle Bowers
I had the opportunity to make a million dollars and I blew it. I admit, I could have been a rich man, but passed up the opportunity. For any of you who still have a chance, let me share my idea, write a parenting book, but do so before you have children of your own. Before having children, your ideas will seem fresh and innovative and you may be able to pull it off. You will also think you have already thought of every contingency and will have all the bases covered.
After practicing your craft for a few years, you will discover a concept that I believe is universal, “I never thought I would need a rule for that!” For brevity, this theory will be abbreviated, INTIWNR.
Like Newton, sitting under the apple tree, I discovered this concept sitting in my dining room. I heard water spilling on the floor and looked up to see my oldest son, ”The Beatles Fan,” drinking water straight from the refrigerator tap. Before practicing my “Love and Logic,” I shouted, “I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD NEED A RULE THAT SAYS, DON’T DRINK STRAIGHT FROM THE REFRIGERATOR!” At this moment, it was as if the apple hit me squarely on the head.
Wishing to test the universality of this model, I discussed it with some of my closest cohorts in this craft, my fellow scout leaders. Several remembered their parents saying much the same statement. Andy Wilcox, Rockhurst instructor and former Lee’s Summit North science teacher, remembered his dad saying, “INTIWNR saying not to jump on a 50# bag of bird seed, or to never use a military police maneuver on a priest.”
Still thinking INTIWNR, may be strictly anecdotal, I went to my true source of all good conventional wisdom, my Facebook Friends. Several asked to remain anonymous, perhaps because I received their responses during their work day. I have also not included all examples since this is a family publication.
-telling you to leave your leotard on during dance class and not walking around in just your tights and tap shoes (Cathy Allie, Media Relations Raytown Quality Schools)
-telling you not to stuff loose streamers from your pom-poms in your nose (Ibid)
-telling you not to swallow dry ice because an upper classman knew how to hold it in his mouth to make smoke
-telling you not to drool on the marble table
-telling you that if you want to practice using the Epi-Pen, use the practice Epi-Pen (too close to home)
-telling you not to sharpen your pencil with scissors (Ibid)
-telling you a dog cannot be tossed out the backdoor like a cat (the dog was not injured, just shook up a bit)
-telling you not to conduct the Mentos/Diet Coke experiment in the living room (I understand her boys are still cleaning the carpet)
Feeling confident that this theory can move from hypothesis to law, I am ready to begin testing my next observation.